


Scary Monsters

by ashangel101010



Series: Co-Guardian Vader [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Baby Armitage Hux, Brendol Hux's A+ Parenting, Death Night is pretty much Halloween, Gen, Halloween Costumes, M/M, Task Force 99 keep getting dragged into this, There's no way out, Triclops is Rama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-15 16:44:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21256454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashangel101010/pseuds/ashangel101010
Summary: Vader and Task Force 99 are invited to Armitage’s first Death Night.





	Scary Monsters

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing in the Star Wars universe or anything in any universe; I just like writing stories in that universe.
> 
> Death Night is my version of Halloween in the Star Wars universe because neither Legends nor New Canon offer their own version of Halloween.

Scary Monsters

*

Suggested Theme: 

Main Theme- Scary Monsters by David Bowie

*

Sergeant Kreel intended to ignore the invitation from Rama and Brendol Hux, and perhaps it would’ve been prudent to destroy the invitation so he can properly feign ignorance for not showing up, but then Lord Vader called a meeting to make sure that everyone got an invitation. Which meant Kreel has no choice but to attend the party with his enthusiastic squad.

“Sir, why do you look so down? We get three, _guaranteed _vacation days and the party will have food!” Misty grins like a child hopped up on fizzyglug, even though he’s older than Kreel.

“We are literally on the other side of the galaxy. It’ll take an entire day in hyperspace to reach Arkanis and another to get back to the ship, so we really only have one free day.” Kreel points out, keeping his tone professional.

“And Arkanis isn’t known to be a resort world. Seriously, that one day of sun was followed up with weeks of non-stop drizzle.” Mic adds while fiddling with his datapad, searching for something.

“The party’s not going to be held outdoors. The invite, which Rama painstakingly wrote on actual paper, clearly states that the _costume _party will be held indoors.”

“Wrote? That thing was painted! Like if writing can be art!” Shrap exclaims.

“That’s calligraphy.” Kreel mutters and hopes that maybe the Rebels and their poodoo can get him out of this party from the Seven Sith Hells.

“Oh, it’s the costume requirement that’s bugging you. And considering how we’re in the middle of nowhere, it’s going to be pretty hard to find a costume shop. So, Sarge, I will give you a discount to make your costume, everyone else has to pay full price.” Aero offers magnanimously, while most of his squadmates just shake their white helms.

“Pass. I’ve already found mine through the wonders of the HoloNet.” Mic quips.

“I’m going to make mine.” Cav admits.

“Same here.” Zuke nods.

“Frag that, I’m not wasting my time when I can just pay Aero to do it.” Shrap yawns.

“I already have one.” Misty says.

“Sergeant?” Aero asks.

“I will figure out something.” Kreel sighs.

“And you get to see Rama again!” Misty teases, and Kreel ignores the petty urge to throw his helmet at him. 

*

Brendol Hux remembers being confused when Rama told him about Lord Vader wanting to be involved in the dragonling’s life. But then he quickly forgot about it because of food and Rama craving for something more primal. It wasn’t until one o’clock in the afternoon today when the Dark Lord of the Sith showed up at their doorstep that he had to think about it.

Right now, Lord Vader is in the nursery with Armitage, and he hasn’t even entered the room when Vader’s Force presence bears down on him, warning him not intrude. But Rama has given him a task and he won’t fail him. 

Brendol walks into the nursery to see Armitage gnawing on Vader’s arm like a puppy. Vader is sitting on the foam carpet tiles that spell out the Naboo alphabet, right next to the holoprojector. His helm is pointed downwards, all of his attention on the baby teething on him instead of the movie.

“Yeah, letting him chew on you is more interesting than _The Sword in the Stone_, which is shame because _The Once and Future King _is wizard!” Brendol grins the grin that caused most of his fellow junior officers to think that he was a dullard; Rama would kiss him silly if he was here.

“Are you from Tatooine?” Vader booms, making the dragonling look up at him for a moment.

“No, the Unknown Regions.” 

“You don’t know where.”

“Not really. I was six when my prostitute mother sold me to a mercenary for six silver bars. She was savvy like that.”

“You should hate her.”

“I can’t really hate someone who wasn’t there for most of my life. What’s the point? And even if I did remember what planet I was born on, what would be the point in returning?”

“Revenge.”

“It’s not a strong enough motivation. _Hardly motivated _was one of the comments Tarkin made on my first assessment. But that was before I beat him at holo-chess.”

“…………….You’re telling the truth.”

“Well, it wasn’t a real win because he hadn’t slept in three days and needed something stimulating to keep him awake.” 

“And now you will never have one.”

“I guess so. May I have Armitage?”

“Why?” The near-levity Brendol tried to conjure evaporates, but Armitage happily ignores the tension in favor of making a waterfall of drool. 

“I need to dress him for the party.” He keeps his voice even and calm. 

“It’s not supposed to start until six.” Vader’s left arm moves, and Brendol flinches. But there’s no Force-choke, Armitage is patting the arm that has come back into his simple world.

“Rama wants to take holos before the guests arrive.” This time Vader tilts his helm downward at Armitage; the dragonling rubs his ginger head fuzz against Vader’s drool-free arm like a lion cub. “He’d also like to take holos with you and dragonling.”

“Why do you call him that? Even in your thoughts, you refer to your son as _dragonling_.”

“It’s because I thought he was going to be born as a baby dragon.”

“………………….Dragons come from eggs.”

“I know that, but Rama is a mutant. I thought maybe one of Armitage’s mutations would make him look like a dragon.”

“……….That’s not how mutations work.”

“Most of my knowledge on mutations came from the X-Men.”

“Your teachers have failed you.”

“My teachers are comic book characters.” A silence ensues between them, and Brendol decides to take action. He reaches over to Armitage in Vader’s hold and then feels himself freeze in place.

“I can dress him.” But the dragonling reaches out towards Brendol, and Vader reluctantly gives in. Brendol goes over to the gray changing table and starts stripping the dragonling out of his white onesie. He uses his pointer finger to pull back his diaper and sees nor smells anything.

“I changed him an hour ago.” Brendol is pretty certain that the Sith looming over him used the Force, and Brendol would too if he had the Force.

“Thank you, Lord Vader, and do you want to guess what dragonling’s going to be?”

“A dragon.”

“You get one more.”

“A lion.”

“Nope.” Brendol finally pulls the costume out of the plasticine bag. “He’ll be a pumpkin!”

“Why?”

“Because he’s cute.”

And Vader accepts that as a fact like the Force.

*

“I hate the public ‘freshers on Arkanis. They’re so small and cramped like they never considered a guy as tall as me would want to use the facilities, and the people here just scream their head off at every little thing.” Zuke grouses, while Kreel rolls his eyes as he drives the rental skimmer through the rainstorm of the century.

“You smashed a mirror with your very real club! What the pfassk did you think was going to happen!?” Mic pokes the top of his curling staff right into Zuke’s hairy chest.

“Hey, I got those sleemos out of there before they could sexually harass you, witch-boy!” Zuke knocks against Mic’s staff with his own bulbously club.

“I’m a mage! And I could’ve taken them!”

“With what? Your magic wand?”

“This is a magical staff, caveman!”

“I’m Hercules!”

“Then why aren’t you wearing a toga or a breastplate? And I don’t remember seeing him with a club in the movie.”

“I’m doing a historical take on the hero and this what he would’ve had back in the day.”

“Uh, I don’t think everyone in ancient times wore lion skins and walked around with clubs!”

“Shut the pfassk up!” Aero hollers from his front seat while spraying his white hair into an eraser head.

“Maker, do you need all that hairspray!” Misty waves a hand around to disperse the chemical cloud.

“At least, this is my real hair.” Aero shoots back.

“What are you talking about? This is my real hair. When I enlisted, I got my head shaved and turned the hair into a wig as a memento.”

“To remember the year when mullets were in style?” Shrap scoffs.

“No, you Hutt-lover, it’s to remind me of my time as a young hunter when all I had were my bow and arrows.” Misty says wistfully.

“Oh, I understand ya, my spear here reminds me of the good old times.” Cav pipes up.

“Like what?”

“Like when I threw it at a nexu and got it right in the heart, and when I pulled it out, there was a piece of its red-black heart on the end. I ate that piece.” Silence befalls the squadron as the skimmer pulls up to the cobblestone front of the Hux Manor.

The manor house looms over the tiny skimmer like an earth-shattering dragon threatening to unleash its fiery fury. Red and green tint the upper half of the crossed-thatched windows, but under the black clouds, the colors darken to rubies and emeralds glowering down at them. Two balconies, one on the second floor and a smaller one above it, glimmer with fool’s gold. The front entrance has two mahogany-colored doors with tarnished silver handles and gargoyles for doorknockers. 

“This house is the color of technicolor nightmares.” Aero’s semi-horrified whisper breaks the silence.

“Man, the property must be enormous if we didn’t see this from the cottage.” Misty whistles.

“I take back my complaints on your club, Zuke.”

“I take back my complaint on your ridiculous dye job, Mic.”

“My hair is naturally white due to genetics!”

“I am so happy that my costume has flamethrowers.” Shrap grins and pats his flamethrower pack on his back.

“I’m pretty certain fire can’t kill ghosts.” Cav points out.

“But ghosts are usually tied to houses. Ergo, I just have to burn the house down!” Shrap’s grin widens at his own cleverness.

“Good luck with that, the house isn’t made of wood and it’s raining.” Aero mutters.

“Did anyone bring an umbrella?” Kreel finally brings up and is met with human silence. “You better run for it.”

Aero is the first to scuttle out of skimmer, not even bothering to close the passenger door. Then, the rest tumble out from the back, but Zuke is conscientious enough to close the doors. Kreel inhales, exhales, and fishes the cheap plasticine umbrella from under his seat. He goes out boots first, but the rest of him remains dry; he then gives the passenger side door a good, hard shove to close. His squad, drenched and shivering, are knit tightly together under the limited protection of the rosy awning. They wait for him to do the knocking, deferring to his higher rank. He squeezes through like he’s moving through Coruscant on Empire Day and uses his left hand to reach the iron loop. He gives three hard knocks before the doors open.

“Right on time.” Brendol Hux beams at them from the bright doorway in a pinstripe suit and pencil mustache; he moves to let them through like a herd of dopey nerfs. Cav lets out an audible moan of his bare feet finding freshly warmed towels.

“It’s been raining for quite a while, so Rama thought it would be prudent to lay some towels on the floor.” Hux goes to the nearby coat rack with a bench and opens its up to take an armful of towels. Kreel is surprised that the bench’s hinges doesn’t screech from its own rust. 

“Hey, is this real Selonian marble?” Aero asks as he looks down at the floor’s polished yellow marble.

“Yes, but it only covers the hallways, the grand stairway, and the ballroom. Most of the rooms have carpet or tile.” Hux replies. “I’ve got towels for anyone that wants one.” 

Zuke and Cav are the first to take the offered towels, and both try to get Hux’s attention. Zuke focuses on drying his bulging biceps, while Cav dries his long, thick brown locks. Unfortunately, Hux didn’t appear interested in their physical beauty, but rather more in their costumes.

“Oh, you’re Hercules in the lion skin! You even have the club that he bashed the Hydra with!” Hux exclaims with a childish enthusiasm that brings pink into Zuke’s bronze cheeks. 

“And you’re Tarzan wearing the same leopard that killed his parents and that gorilla baby.” Cav manages not to blush, but his lips go squiggly like he’s resisting the urge to smile.

“And you’re Pyro!” Hux exclaims as Shrap gets a towel; he politely nods because he didn’t know that’s who he was. 

“And you’re Robin Wood!”

“_Hood_.” Misty corrects him as he pulls a towel from the bottom of the heap. Aero is the next to step forward and grab a terry cloth.

“A mad scientist?”

“Yes.” He takes two towels, hoping to stem the flood of watery hairspray. Mic approaches with the butt of his staff stomping with him.

“A magical girl?”

“I’m a mage!” Mic lifts up his staff and twists his hips to make his skirt twist like there’s a breeze.

“A cute one.” Hux chuckles, and Mic’s face turns as brick red. He snatches a towel and refuses to look at the older man. He misses the glare from Mic. Hux looks at Kreel.

“You’re Brainiac 5 as a human.” 

“Just Brainiac 5. It would’ve taken too much time to do the paint job.” Kreel says, not grabbing a towel since he didn’t need one.

“Yeah, and why do it for a party that’ll only last for a few hours? A very logical choice, Brainy.” Hux lightly teases. Kreel nods politely, successfully containing his delight of finding a fellow fan.

“Follow me to the ballroom if you’d please.” Hux moves in his beetle-black shoes at a quick clip, but Task Force 99 keeps up even if one of them has no shoes.

*

Darth Vader lurks in the shadows of the yellow pillar, watching as Brendol Hux leads the Stormtroopers into the ballroom. They obeyed the invitation’s instructions, but Vader presumed that their costumes would be uninspired like dressing up as a clone trooper. He has underestimated them.

Zuke, the tallest one of the squad, wears the copper skin of a black-maned lion; the lion’s mouth is posed comically on the top of his shaved head like it’s trying to eat him. He drags a crude, wooden club on the golden marble floor as he heads over to the sumptuous banquet table. He has his brown eyes on the pumpkin bowl of pumpkin soup.

Mic rolls his sapphire eyes when Zuke drags his club on the floor. There’s a sweat drop forming on his forehead that he wipes away with the back of his green fingerless glove. From what Vader can see, Mic is wearing a black robe overlaid with a creamy tunic and short pants covering the rest of his pale legs. He predicts that Mic will do away with the tunic in another hour, and perhaps he can give it to Cav since he has only a tattered, leopard-skinned loincloth.

_“Aero should’ve just bought a wig.”_ Rama’s voice, whimsically sincere, brushes against his mind like a cold wind. He turns his back to the pillar and to the Stormtroopers for the slumbering babe in his thin arms. Black shimmersilk covers nearly all of the young man’s ghost-white skin; the blackness makes a V into his natural breasts. Armitage’s ginger nestles into those breasts; he makes soft snores, so the adults have to exchange thoughts.

_“It’s raining.”_

_“It’s nearly always raining here. Brendol loves rain that’s why he chose to teach here.” _

_“As one of Tarkin’s pupils, he was expected to do great things, but he’s hardly done anything notable for the Empire.” _

_“He’s clever like that.”_

_“I don’t follow.”_

_“If he did something notable, like become a general or taught at a more illustrious academy, he would’ve eventually crossed paths with you. And you have a reputation of turning high-ranked officers into red shirts.” _

_“Red shirts are not part of any known uniform in the navy or military. But if you mean turning insolent failures into blood smears, then you are also inaccurate. I prefer choking.” _

Rama snickers at him, so very unlike his father.

_“I saw that look.”_

_“What look? I have my mask on and it has only one expression.” _

_“Your eyes said, ‘He’s so very unlike his father!’ You may have gotten better at hiding your thoughts, but you can’t change your eyes.” _

_“My eyes went from blue to gold.” _

_“Always so smart, Ani.” _

Vader feels the air in his lungs leave him when he hears his angel’s voice using that old nickname. Anger, swift and familiar, fill his battered lungs, replacing the air.

“Waa!” Armitage yawns and blinks. His bleary eyes look lazily around before settling on Vader’s face. He smiles, half gum and teeth, and reaches out with his tiny, soft hands. 

“Aw, he loves you so much.” Rama coos and holds out Armitage, and Vader receives him. The baby’s hands roam on his masked face, giggling as the mechanical breaths tickle his little fingers.

*

“I bid you welcome to Death Night!” Rama appears like a chilling mist into the ballroom. The maternal man has on a form-fitting black dress that draws most eyes to his small breasts, but Kreel’s eyes are drawn to his hair. The hair, once as white as snow, is black as the dress that wears him. Those green eyes, piercing and laughing, gaze in his direction.

Zuke raises a free hand like he’s preschooler about to ask to go to the ‘fresher.

“Yes, Zuke?”

“What’s Death Night?” A question that the squad has wondered and tried to research. They found nothing on the HoloNet nor in the limited library on the ship about this supposed holiday. 

“Death Night is a holiday, typically in the eighth standard month, which celebrates death.”

Zuke raises his hand again.

“Yes, Zuke?”

“Like the act of killing or the dead?”

“Depends on the planet, but, on Serphidi, the Serps celebrate the death of their enemies with tourneys.”

Zuke raises his hand again, earning glares from Shrap and Mic.

“If it’s celebrated in the eighth month, then why now?”

“Because Bren missed it, so we decided to have our own Death Night.”

_“Zuke, if you raise your hand again, I swear–”_

Zuke raises his hand without hesitation, angering Shrap more than when someone sneezes three times in a row.

“Yes, Zuke?”

“Are costumes traditional for this holiday?”

“No. This is for my pleasure!” Rama grins and then smiles at Brendol when he wraps his arms around that thin waist. Kreel then feels a hand on his shoulder and he turns his head back to see Mic shooting him a sympathetic look.

_I am going to make the next training session brutal. _

Zuke raises his hand again. Shrap raises his arm and shoves the right nozzle of his flamethrower into Zuke’s back, but Zuke rolls his eyes.

“Yes, Zuke?”

“Where’s the baby?” Rama smiles at his question, though his eyes are still lock on Brendol’s. He waves his hand like a spider spinning its web. Lord Vader emerges from the shadow of a yellow pillar with Armitage in his arms. The baby has on green and gold striped stockings attached to his pumpkin-colored dress. A pumpkin-shaped hat crowns his ginger head. Ten digits with the thinnest layer of baby flab push against the buttons but can’t make them depress.

“Mmm!” Armitage makes thoughtful sounds as he tries to solve the puzzle that is Lord Vader.

“Who’s ready for pictures?” Brendol grins like the cheekiest tooka in the galaxy.

Zuke raises his hand, and Shrap just digs the nozzle as hard as he can into the muscle-bound back.

“Yes, Zuke?”

“Do we get a copy?”

“Of course.”

*

“If you have nowhere to go on Life Day, our home is always open!” Brendol shouts as the skimmer peels out of the driveway. Kreel hopes that none of his squad heard that, but he knows that the Maker likes laughing at him.

“I’m so happy they let us take the leftovers!” Zuke shouts, while Shrap glares at him.

“There’s no way the mini-fridge can hold all of that.” Shrap points out.

“Then, we can give the rest to the ship. Especially the licorice pudding.” Aero sniffs.

“And we all got a holo with Lord Vader!” Cav says.

“We only got one and copies of that one.” Mic notes as he organizes his holos on his datapad.

“Did anyone else feel like Lord Vader only took the holo because of the baby? I wonder what powers that baby holds!” Misty adds ghostly wails for his melodrama.

“Armitage is just a regular baby with kooky parents.” Kreel comments and hopes that will be all that is required of him.

“You mean dreamy! I saw the way you were looking at Rama.” Shrap teases in a sing-song voice.

“What do you mean? He wasn’t even looking at his ass or tits.” Mic mumbles as he fiddles with the colors on the holo.

“Exactly. Clearly, Sarge wants something more than a one-night stand!” Zuke declares, while Aero shakes his head.

“Considering how Brendol’s married to someone else, I’m guessing it’s an open-marriage.” Aero points out.

“You sure? I didn’t see any wife or husband at the party.” Shrap says sharply, while Kreel is thankful for the change of subject.

“He has a wife. Maratelle. She just posted holos on her forum about attending Galactic Book Con on Coruscant.” Cav summarizes as he scrolls through the HoloNet.

“Any holos of her?” Zuke asks.

“Nope. Just a lot of books.”

“Probably married him for his money.” Aero theorizes.

“Or it’s the reverse. Commandants at backwater academies don’t make much credits. Unless he’s doing some shady dealings on the side.” Misty speculates.

“But Lord Vader would’ve killed him if that was the case.” Zuke points out.

“Or maybe he’s really cheap and has a lot of credits saved up.” Shrap rejoins.

“That dress was shimmersilk! And that’s never been cheap!” Mic exclaims.

“It’s good.” Kreel coolly says.

“What is, Sarge?” Zuke asks.

“How energetic you all are after all that dancing. Now, you can put all that energy to the training session.” Kreel allows himself to grin like a vicious bastard as silence befalls the skimmer.

“Are you still mad that Hux was all over Rama?” Misty dares, and Kreel responds with slamming on the brakes. He hears several of his squad thud to the floor and curse him.

“Don’t forget to buckle your seatbelts!”

*

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s Comments- Here are the links:
> 
> Of course, Rama and Brendol are Morticia and Gomez: [Link](https://66.media.tumblr.com/58a9dcc07fbe5a2e9fb2313ed20314f6/tumblr_mpyztyYKKh1rkmb8co1_500.jpg)
> 
> Armitage is a pumpkin because he’s cute, while Vader is just Vader: [Link](https://s7.orientaltrading.com/is/image/OrientalTrading/PDP_VIEWER_IMAGE/baby-pumpkin-jumper-costume-6-12-months~mc2080)
> 
> Sergeant Kreel is dressed as Brainiac 5 in his 2019 comic book appearance; finally, he gets another good design and it reminds me of Superman’s Kryptonian robes from “The Man Who Has Everything” episode of Justice League Unlimited. Me thinks that’s a nod to Brainy’s Superman adoration from the cartoon: [Link](https://ewedit.files.wordpress.com/2019/06/losh_brainiac5_final.jpg?w=1800&h=2330)  
The “mage” Mic’s dressed up as is actually Wavemaster Tsukasa from .hack//sign. And it’s not like he likes Brendol or anything, stupid: [Link](https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/dothack/images/e/e6/Tsukasafull.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20070316214538)
> 
> Aero is dressed up as a steampunk mad scientist: [Link](https://images.halloweencostumes.com/products/9887/1-1/adult-mad-scientist-costume.jpg)
> 
> Cav is dressed up as Tarzan: [Link](https://specials-images.forbesimg.com/imageserve/5d07a672142c50000a3324b4/960x0.jpg?fit=scale)
> 
> Misty is dressed as Robin Hood from Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves because my parents’ wedding song came from that movie: [Link](https://imgix.ranker.com/user_node_img/50086/1001707342/original/costner-and-one-of-the-stuntman-went-looking-for-mushrooms-photo-u1?w=650&q=50&fm=pjpg&fit=crop&crop=faces)
> 
> Shrap is dressed up as Pyro from the X-Men because of course he is: [Link](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/2/2a/Pyro_%28St._John_Allerdyce%29.png)
> 
> Zuke is dressed up as Hercules in his lion skin: [Link](https://nails.newsela.com/s3/newsela-media/article_media/2016/10/myths-hercules-ba40dde2.jpg?crop=0%2C11%2C1366%2C779&height=497&width=885)
> 
> Zuke’s questioning is inspired by Patrick’s questions to Squidward in “Band Geeks” episode, except Rama has the patience of a Palpatine: [Link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1JA-nh0IfI)
> 
> It took me a while to figure out what the Hux mansion would look like. I was going to use the X-Mansion from the X-Men movies, but I wanted something that would immediately cause someone to think that they’re about to enter a horror movie. So I went with ballet school from the original Suspiria film because it looks amazing when it rains there: [Link](http://www.movie-locations.com/movies/s/Suspiria-Haus-Zum-Walfisch.jpg)
> 
> I have watched The Sword in the Stone twice; once as a kid and once again about two years ago. Kid me could only remember Merlin being a doddery wizard and Wart pulling out Excalibur from the stone. When I watched it again, I had already read T. H. White’s The Once and Future King several times, played the first two Kingdom Hearts and Birth by Sleep several times, had seen the King Arthur movie with Hannibal’s and Will’s ancestors, watched all of Merlin, saw the first and only season of Camelot, and seen the completely frustrating Camelot arc in Once Upon a Time, but even on the second viewing, I could barely pay attention to the movie because I was bored. Not counting the Disney Direct-to-Video sequels or the live-action movies, The Sword in the Stone is my least favorite Disney movie to date. I actually thought about using Lion King, but it was too obvious.
> 
> From what I can find on the Wookie, I couldn’t find any physical descriptions of Task Force 99 out of their armor, so I took advantage of it. 
> 
> Next one-shot will probably be about Life Day.
> 
> Updates as of 8/2/20: Originally, I had Cav as the slicer, while Mic was the melee specialist. Upon looking over the Wookie again, it turns out it was the reverse, so I'm now fixing that mistake.


End file.
